*** SPOILERS BELOW *** SPOILERS BELOW *** SPOILERS BELOW *** SPOILERS BELOW ***
Wow…so that 13 hours flew by fast. And I breezed right through it, though I tried to pace myself. I couldn’t help myself. It was a good season of television (can I call it television??!!) So here’s my recap of the season, from A to Z:
AGAIN, SPOILERS BELOW…
A is for Alex Vause
You are a horrible person Alex Vause! Simply because you keep Piper on a yo-yo-though I think Piper willingly gets pulled back in. No one watches this show for Alex or Piper. But I will say that this season was decidedly less about these two and more about other characters. I have no complaints. But I have a feeling we’ll get more of Alex and Piper in season 3.
B is for Big Boo
Man, why you gotta sell out your team like that, Boo?! We still don’t have a backstory on Boo (Season 3?) but there is more than meets the eye on this one. Her friendship with Pennsatucky is going to be interesting in the next season.
C is for Cancer
Miss Rosa is my hero! The scenes with her at chemo provide a nice break from Litchfield (and not as many Piper flashbacks-YAY!) From her teaching the kid how to rob someone to her driving over Vee (“Always rude, that one.”), she shines. At some points I thought she was going to succumb to her illness. I’m glad they kept her alive to escape and die away from the prison (good call Morello!) However her accent is off. I thought she was Eastern European, not Spanish (from Spain)
D is for Daya
I love her character! Now that the cat’s out of the bag, we got a chance to see all the mood swings of Daya-some stereotypical, some not. I appreciate her not being a caricature. I wish her and Bennett can actually end up together! They make such a cute couple.
E is for Exes
Ok I guess we can talk a little about Chapman. She has good taste in bad people Her ex-fiance hooks up with her best friend Polly and her ex Alex sells her out…again. But Larry and Polly are my least favorite characters in the series so they actually seem like a good match. Mazel!
F is for Fig
Last season Figueroa-the assistant warden-was a one note character. Now we have a juicy backstory for her as her down-low husband run for Governor! It was like a nod to House of Cards, but way more realistic. I’m curious how her and her husband will work things out next season. Maybe a baby?
G is for Garden Rose
H is for Healy
I like that Healy is not that easy to figure out. He’s conflicted on whether he should be (and remain) the good guy who helps others but there’s a deep, dark side of Healy. I expect his storyline to get more complicated in season 3. I wouldn’t be surprised if Healy runs against Fig’s husband as a Tea Party candidate in season 3…
I is for Ingalls
Sister Ingalls FTW for that hunger strike!! You better show Soso how the old school rolls!! I liked Sister’s background story. Season 1 had her very compassionate and little too good. I love this radical side of her!!
J is for Jimmy
“Compassionate Release” Sigh… I really hope this is not a real thing where mentally-ill old inmates are released to fend for themselves. I liked Jimmy and her crazy self. How do you break out of jail and walk into a bar with all the CO’s?
K is for Karma
Karma’s a bitch! What goes around comes around full circle at Litchfield. Too many examples to cite here…
L is for Litchfield
This jail can be messed up sometimes-it’s already drumming up comparisons to OZ. This season we get more of a behind the scenes look at how it’s run. And things aren’t looking good. Will we ever meet the warden? Caputo’s put in charge for one day and two inmates escape. I’m curious how things will play out in Season 3.
M is for Mendoza
I’m glad we’re getting a little more in-depth look at the Latina sisters this season! Mendoza’s-the head of the kitchen-story is an all too realistic story of abuse. When she first took over the kitchen in Season 1 from Red, I was pissed! I have way more sympathy for this woman now. This goes to show that you never really can judge a book by its cover.
N is for Nuns
Run Nuns Run!! lol Officer O’Neill’s interaction with the nuns is hilarious. He really hates nuns! I love how we see that Ingalls still has support from the nun community. I see this developing more next season. Will Litchfield be run by nuns??!!!
O is for Orange
It doesn’t hurt that orange is my favorite color ;)
P is for Poussey
Taystee girl you trippin! I’m straight and if I were in your shoes, I don’t think I could have refused Poussey’s advances. Besides being absolutely GORGEOUS, Poussey is an amazing friend.
Her backstory is amazing, though we really don’t know exactly what landed her in jail. Her speaking German SWOON. Do I have a girl crush on Pouseey? Yes I do have a girl crush on Poussey!
And when she READ Vee for filth….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!!
Q is for Quotas
Fuck those shot quotas! The parts that made me the most squeamish were when the COs where harsh on the inmates, especially on Watson. It’s like they’re trying to break her. Don’t break Watson!! I liked how they showed a more personal side to the guards and I didn’t want to vilify them but it’s so hard when they are being so mean! But one of the sweetest moments was when Daya was having a panic attack and one of the guards told her to do jumping jacks to help her.
R is for Red
Oh Red. We thought we lost you for a minute there! I liked how they showed a more complex side of Red and her story. Red should have killed Vee when she had the chance.
S is for Sideboob
Caputo plays bass in a band called Sideboob. I really have no more words about this.
T is for Taystee
Now we know where Tasha got her nickname. And we see how intelligent she is. My heart goes out to her-what wasted potential! But I feel that she has learned a lot in the short amount of time in prison and will accomplish a lot in her life. Her character is just too realistic and mirrors too many other black females.
U is fr Uzo Aduba
Uzo is the real breakout star of this show. Her character
Crazy Eyes Suzanne challenges our perception on misunderstood black girls. Her back story touched a nerve with me: I’ve been the only “weird” black girl in many settings growing up and you feel as those you are not in the same universe and eventually become the butt of everyone’s joke. No one really understands you. But then a seemingly strong woman takes interest in you and tells you that you are a garden rose. No one’s every told you that. And then you find yourself doing anything you can for this woman who made you keep your head high. Suzanne, I get it and my heart goes out to you. And thank GOD for the rest of the black girls standing up for you and not taking the blame for attacking Red.
Vee is for Vicious
Vee is awful and happens to be the perfect villain. She is a complete psychopath (definition: “a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.” Yep, sounds about right!) But she was too perfect as a villain. She was conniving, preyed on young people and never let anyone onto her twisted antics. Did anyone really mess her up in life or was she just born this way? I do want to know her back story, just out of curiosity.
Her getting run over by Miss Rosa at the end was too clean. Too tidy. I don’t think she’s really dead…Though I wish she was!
W is for Women
Not only do we have most races represented in this series, we also have different body types. Orange is the New Black takes a painstaking truthful view on the treatment of women not only in the prison system but also in the world. And especially for women of color-who we get excluded from these feminist shows. I like the shift from the show being mostly about how Piper interacts with the inmates to being about all the inmates themselves.
X is for Xenophobia
Fear of strange people. Litchfield is very territorial especially with people. Vee single-handly almost causes a race war and we learned that the real war is commerce. (I know, I know, X was a stretch…)
Y is for Yael Stone
Geez Morello! I would have never thought for a second that she was a stalker for Christofah until he took the stand to testify against her in the flashback. Yael is brilliant as the slightly neurotic Morello. I love how this season just went really deep into all the characters’ (minus Piper) backstory this season.
Z is for Zingers
“Fuck diamonds. I have spinach!”
“You know who made up that never snitch bullshit? People who probably deserved to be snitched on.”
“YOU’RE Federal property!”
“How does the “agenda” work? / I got a lot of those. Specify.”
“You don’t go Jessica Simpson when you have Rhianna.”
“Men being in charge has never done me any good.”
“It’s a metaphor you potato with eyes”
“I am a sexual Steve Jobs.”
“The bathrooms may be segregated, but the market be free.”
“Another layer of icing on a shit cake doesn’t make it taste good.”
“You’re like a pedophile without the sex.”